


Control

by Karinakamichi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Author hates this story, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Canon Divergence, Comfort, Cutting, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Father issues, Gen, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Redemption (Marvel), Loki is troubled but kinda has realized his mistakes, No Plot/Plotless, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suffering, Thanos is an asshole, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trauma, and does a good job most of the time, author doesn't like odin, but Loki doesn't trick odin, but he tries, even if he sometimes doesn't really react well, i guess, idk - Freeform, no promises I'm going to finish this, odin kinda sucks, sorta?, takes place after dark world, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25676767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karinakamichi/pseuds/Karinakamichi
Summary: Loki shows up wounded at the Avengers tower about six months after he supposedly died taking down the monster who killed Frigga, seeking protection of The Avengers. While they are distrustful at first, not having forgotten about the attack on New York and wondering if he has an ulterior motive, they decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, as he stays there, other problems with Loki start to arise, and Thor is determined to be there for his Brother, no matter how much Loki may push him away or how much the others may initially distrust him. Nothing will be graphic, but it will explore the aftermath of torture and rape as well as just Loki's issues in general. Warnings for disordered eating, Self-harm, and stuff of the sort. Mainly focused on Thor's bond with Loki but tid bits of bonding with other Avengers too. There will be less focus on plot and more focus on hurt/comfort, I guess, cuz this is more or less a vent fic. First time writing for Marvel, so it probably sucks.I REALLY don't like this, in fact I hate it, but I guess I'll post it? If you don't like it, please spare me the hate comments.
Relationships: (At least not really) - Relationship, Loki & Natasha Romanov, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki & Tony Stark, Maybe background tony x pepper?, No Romantic Relationship(s), and others, but as for platonic, idk
Comments: 16
Kudos: 113





	1. Chapter 1

Loki seemed to have a knack for escaping death and showing back up alive as if nothing happened, so it shouldn't have been a surprise to Thor when Loki showed up at the Avengers tower six months after they'd fought together to take down the monster who'd slain their mother. 

But it was.

"...Loki...?" Thor stated in disbelief, blue eyes meeting green.

"It’s good to see you too, Thor. Did you miss me?" Loki gave a weak smirk in response.

"B-But _how_? I saw you _die_." Thor wanted to know, trying to get answers and desperately figure out just what in Norns was going on. He wanted so badly for this to be real, but it felt like a dream.

"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" Loki said slyly.

Thor was still at a loss of what to say, and that's when he began to take notice of the bruises on his face, how pale he looked.

"What happened to your face? You are injured." Thor reached up to rub his hand on Loki's cheek, only for him to pull back when Loki swiped his hand aside almost too defensively for his comfort level.

"That is... of no concern to you. For now, there's something we and your little Midguardian friends must discuss, It is rather urgent. But... first, I think I might..." Loki trailed off into silence, his breath more ragged than ever, as he suddenly collapsed in Thor's arms.

"Brother...? Brother, what is wrong?" Thor called out in a low voice, a bit panicked. Much to his relief, Loki was still breathing, but it was still concerning none the less. He must have been exhausted. He didn't appear to be fatally wounded anywhere at least.

It was at that moment that Natasha and Tony came down stairs, apparently having over heard the commotion. Thor, Natasha and Tony had been the only ones there at the time, so nobody else had heard.

"What's going on?" Tony asked from behind him, before Thor could say anything further.

"Wait, is that… Is that Loki? I thought you said he was dead." Natasha said, approaching him. She too immediately noticed the bruises. They must have been fairly fresh.

"I thought so too, but apparently not." Thor murmured. "He said he came here to discuss with us something important…" 

"Do you think we should we trust him...?" Natasha seemed skeptical, but Thor knew his brother better than anybody in The Avengers. That call would be best left up to him to make.

"I do not know, but the last time we were together, he saved my life, so I am willing to give my Brother the benefit of the doubt. " Thor reasoned.

"Uh, you sure that's a good idea? Last time I checked, that's the same guy who led an assault on New York City and killed a shit-ton of people. Not to mention brainwashed one of our own. If you think we can trust him-" Tony started to say but was cut off by Thor, who was carrying Loki upstairs.

"You misunderstand. It is not trust that I am asking of you, only your cooperation. He is my Brother and if he wrongs us, I swear to you that I will bare the responsibility for his actions." Thor said with ease, as he lifted Loki in his arms.

Tony grew silent, as if debating on what to do.

"...I think we should listen to him. Who knows? This could just be another one of his tricks, but what if it's not? He could help us." Natasha admitted. If there was any information Loki was willing to provide about anything, it was worth looking in to. It would just be up to them to sort the truth from the lies.

"Alright, you win, but if he breaks anything, or causes any trouble, you're paying." Tony gave in as he followed them up stares, directing the statement at Thor, although it seemed to be more light-hearted than an actual threat. While it was true that Tony didn't approve of anything Loki had done, he usually wasn't the type that acted without having all the answers first. Besides, Thor knew his brother better than any of them. If he was willing to give him a chance, it couldn't hurt, right?

Thor made no haste to lie him on the couch, reexamining him to check for further injuries aside from the bruises on his face and neck. For Loki, in this state, to have come to the _Avengers Tower of all places_ … He must have been desperate, or scared of something.

"He looks malnourished..." Natasha noted. "Do you have any idea where he could have been all this time?"

"I do not." Thor said solemnly, almost miserably, as he noticed more bruises and some gashes here and there, how pale and bone thin he appeared. His cheek appeared swollen and he had a laceration on his abdomen, and large contusions on his ankles and waist. None of the gashes were that deep but they still would require medical aid.

Although it was true that Loki had caused him and his friends a lot of trouble before, he couldn't deny the voice inside of him telling him _My baby brother is hurt, and he needs my help._

"Who could have done this to him?" Natasha pondered out loud, not out of particular concern, but at least extreme discomfort, especially when she too had noticed the discoloring on his waist line, having an idea of where they'd come from, and what had caused the wounds, although it wasn't an image she particularly wanted to imagine.

"My guess is it has some connection to the army attacked New York before. Maybe he pissed somebody off." Tony gave his own thought on the matter. "Hey, uh, you gonna clean that up? If you need some bandages, I can get you some bandages, but I'd rather him not bleed all over my couch." 

"Bandages would be much appreciated, thank you." Thor said, as Tony left the room momentarily.

"Don't mention it." The mechanic called back in response. It wasn't long before he returned with some gauze wrap, disinfectant ointment and a wet rag. "By the way, you think we should call Banner back here or bring him to a hospital? Maybe t could help."

He could already hear Bruce insisting he wasn't a doctor and asking why everybody looked to him for such things.

"While I do appreciate the offer, I think my brother will be just fine. Most of his injuries appear to be bruising." Thor said, able to tell from experience that, even though the bruising was bad, some of the worst he'd seen, his brother's wounds were not severe enough to require emergency medical attention. Tony was fortunately able to confirm this with the help of Jarvas.

However, although his vitals were normal, he did appear to have a couple broken ribs and a sprained ankle, which wasn't by any means pleasant to hear, especially for Thor.

As Thor and Natasha(who volunteered to help, surprising Thor), cleaned the scrapes and cuts littering his body, the question began to nag at him. "I cannot help but wonder why Loki did not heal his injuries before he arrived here... He usually would have..."

Had something happened to his magic? If that was the case, how did he even get here?

"Maybe you should ask him that when he wakes up." Natasha said simply.

Thor regarded her with a grunt, but otherwise didn't say anything. He was still shocked by the whole situation. The last memory he'd had of Loki was him dying in his arms and yet here he was alive again. Injured once again, but alive. To say it was hard to wrap his head around was an understatement.

It wasn't long before Loki woke back up, much to the relief of Thor, who'd been reconsidering his state and thinking of taking him to Eir.

"Brother, tis good to see you finally awoke. How are you feeling?" Thor wanted to know as he sat down next to him.

"...I'm feeling just _wonderful_ , Thor." Loki said, sarcastically, but wincing in pain as he sat up.

"Great to know. So what was this super important thing you needed to talk with us about?" Tony immediately jumped the question. "Depending on your answer, we might just keep the fact that you're here right now a secret."

"Ah, yes, the impending danger I came to warn you of. I will gladly tell you, but only under one condition." Loki said. Immediately, everybody grew suspicious. This was _just like Loki_.

"Alright, I can role with that. But first you gotta tell us what the condition is, because if you're asking for one of my suits or some dangerous weaponry, you can forget it." Tony warned him, making his stance clear.

"Please, you need not worry about such things, Stark. I assure you that I am done with that. I mean no harm to any of you. All I request is your protection." Loki explained, looking to the side.

_Protection_ …? Now this was the _last_ thing they expected him to say. Natasha and Tony exchanged glances. Something was definitely off about this. Loki just didn't seem the person to ask such a thing.

"...Protection from what exactly?" Tony asked, as he folded his arms over a nearby table, a little bit surprised.

Loki seemed at a loss of how to explain it himself.

"Loki...?" Thor inquired. 

Finally, Loki let out a shaky breath, almost looking fearful of something for a split second, but quickly regained his composure. "...You remember the Chitauri, do you not?"

"Yeah, that army of robots that attacked New York City, right? The attack which you led? I think everybody remembers that." Tony said. His initial guess when Loki was out cold appeared to be more spot on than he'd originally thought.

"...Well, I was no doubt the one who led them here, but I am not the one who was controlling them." Loki corrected him. 

"Hold on... If it was not you, then who was it?" Thor quickly asked. It was then that everything began to piece together. Back after Loki had let go from Thor's grasp on the Bifrost, he had fallen straight into Yggdrasil. He shouldn't have survived... Somebody must have saved him, but the question as to who had never been answered and he'd never really thought about it before; _How_ he survived. He had been presumed dead for a year before the attack on New York, wherever he was had connections to the Chitauri. Most likely it would go back to their leader.

“...I doubt you’ve heard of him, but the Chitauri… They are ruled by a Mad Titan who calls himself Thanos…” Loki explained.

“So what’s his game?” Natasha asked immediately, speaking up for the first time since Loki had woke up.

"Oh, it's beyond a game." Loki wasted no time in answering the question, sending a chill up their spines. “Although his goal is fairly simple, he is not a being that any of you should take so lightly, as he poses a rather large threat to not only Midgard, but all nine realms. He desires to gather all of the infinity stones and wipe out half the population in the universe. Does that suffice as an answer?“

The entire room momentarily grew silent after that, obviously taking in the gravity of what he was saying.

“We must secure the stones.” Thor quickly spoke up, in all seriousness, not for an instance doubting that somebody out there would do such a thing. For Loki to come to them about this, that showed just how much of a threat Thanos really was.

“...Not that I disagree, but how are we gonna locate the rest of them?“ Tony said. "We've seen two so far. The stone _he_ brought here was enough trouble, and now S.H.I.E.L.D has it."

“It will take time, but I am sure that if we look hard enough, we will be able to find them.” Thor sounded much to convinced for Loki's comfort.

“You’re welcome to try, Thor, but I assure you it's not as simple as it sounds. It is only a matter of time before he finds them.” Loki said simply. He almost sounded smug, but at the same time, there was an edge to his voice that suggested he was actually afraid while trying to hide it.

"Then we will just have to stop that from happening." Thor said, stubbornly. This was _just like him._

Loki sighed, deciding it was best not to debate _._

“So is Thanos the one who did this to you?" Natasha inquired without restraint.

Loki saw their eyes on him, especially Thor’s, his heart racing a little too fast for his liking. Thor reached up to place an uncertain hand on Loki’s back to which he immediately snapped his hand away once again.

“...Loki-?“ Thor tried to encourage him to speak, uncertain about how to approach the matter.

"...Do not touch me.” Loki interrupted him, his voice never having sounded so small before. “Yes, I was _tortured, Brother. Over_ and _over_ and _**over** again, repeatedly **every single day**. _This is only him on _good days_. _"_

At hearing those words, Thor's chest dropped into his stomach. Both Natasha and Tony were speechless.

As somebody from Russia, in her line of work, Natasha was no stranger to torture, but to endure it for that long, and possibly worse... It was unsettling to imagine, especially with Loki, being the kind of person that he was.

"But it's really not _all_ bad." Loki smiled, but he was refusing eye contact, suggesting he was more bothered by it than he wanted to let on. "When you get down to it, it was but a small price to pay, considering he _did_ save my life. He is also the one who taught me how to harness the mind stone's power and gave me the Scepter. Besides, is it not what I deserved? After all the lives I have taken and led to ruin, how else could I possibly hope to compensate for everything I had done...? I had nothing else to live for."

"Brother, there is still hope for you to atone and find peace with yourself, but this is _not_ the way." Thor sounded desperate. He was enraged, at the person responsible for hurting Loki, but also at himself, for not having been there to help and stop his baby brother from having to endure such a fate alone, not only once but twice now. Much to his displeasure, all he could do now was try to convince Loki that what had happened to him... It wasn't how he should have paid for his crimes. He shouldn't have had to go through that.

"Well, of course, I realize that _now_... But you speak naively, Thor. There is _nothing_ that could _possibly_ absolve me of all the crimes I've committed. Surely you know that by now. All of Asgard hates me, I am seen as nothing but a threat to Midgard. In all honesty, I should not have even returned here..." Loki avoided his Brother's gaze. "But after the second time I was resurrected and endured sixth more months of endless torture, I decided that I do not actively seek death anymore. All I wanted was to be by your side and rule Asgard together, not _destroy_ it or any of the other nine realms. I assure you that the _last_ thing I want now is the eradication of half the living beings in the universe. I realize that I can not be forgiven for my actions of treason, but I want to help. Although I doubt you will believe me..."

_"It's too late... It's too late to stop it."_

That's when Thor put the pieces together. If not for Thanos's influence, he was now certain that Loki would have stopped the attack on New York when he asked him to. He'd seen it in his eyes, the tears, the _fear_. He'd clearly wanted to, but something had held him back from doing so. He had been _afraid_ of something. Had Thanos or one of his Chitauri threatened him? 

It was the only explanation he could come up with. Loki wasn't always honest or trustworthy, sure, but he knew his brother well enough to know that he wasn't evil. He wasn't the type of person that would go in to massacre an entire race of people without any provocation.

Even back when Thor had insisted they go to Jotunheim without permission, Loki had been the one to have a guard contact Odin to stop things from getting even messier.

Even when Thor first arrived in Midgard and Loki attacked the city there, the destruction had been nowhere near to such a level and Loki had been acting out of pain after finding out he had been lied to his entire life by their mother and father. His vendetta had been with his family, not Midgard. And after that, he had willingly threw himself off the Bifrost, most certainly not expecting to survive before Thanos saved him. 

In the Year following that, the titan must have hardened Loki, convinced him that he had been cast out of his home, manipulated his will and _changed_ him. Because, regardless of anything he'd done, the Loki in his last attack on New York was simply _not_ the Loki Thor knew. No, the Loki Thor knew was the one who'd had a mental breakdown after finding out Frigga was dead, the Loki he knew was the one who helped him avenge their mother at the risk of his own life. He was the one he grew up with and fought beside on too many occasions to remember. _Hell_ , he was the one who even kept Thor _out_ of trouble far more times than he put him _in_ it.

Such a thing... it just wasn't like him. And although Loki was no doubt the one who did it, he still found himself wanting to believe in the better of him.

"...I am truly sorry, Brother... I should have known... I should have been there to stop it... But I am grateful that you came to us with this knowledge... It may yet prove to be a great advantage for us." Thor told him.

"I told you before, Thor, I do not desire your pity. And I am merely doing what needed to be done." Loki made his discomfort known.

Thor and everybody else in the room grew silent at hearing that. There was so much more that Thor wanted to say. He wanted to tell him that he was not hated by all of Asgard unlike what he thought. He wanted to take his baby brother into his arms and embrace him after all the time they'd been apart. He wanted to tell him that he could trust him, ask why he had not healed his own wounds yet when normally he would have, but felt that it wasn’t such a good idea to push the subject any further.

It felt like forever after those words left Loki’s mouth that Tony unexpectedly held out a glass of water for him, surprising him. “...Here… I thought you might be thirsty. Or at least, you know, you kinda look it.”

Loki raised an eyebrow and hesitated before taking it from him. “...Ah, I thank you.” 

“I still can’t really say I trust you, but I'm with them on this. As long as you cooperate and don't cause any trouble, we shouldn't have any problems. But if you even _think_ of betraying us, the deal's off. Got it?" Tony said, making it clear that he was serious.

"I can live with that." Loki gave a small smirk, before taking a sip of the water that was given to him. In truth, he had no intentions of betraying them. He knew from experience that if there was anybody he could side with that stood any inkling of a chance against Thanos and his army, it was the Avengers. This wasn't something he could face alone, and he had no desire whatsoever to return to Asgard currently. Not a chance in Hell. 

"Alright. Good. Then it's agreed on." Tony said, sounding satisfied after a bit of hesitation. "Feel free to make yourself at home, and in the meantime, I'll get to work on preparing a room for you. You'll probably want to get some rest after all of this."

He then turned to Thor and Natasha. "You two, keep an eye on Harry Styles here, make sure he doesn't get himself or anybody else in trouble, alright?"

Though Natasha didn't say anything in response, she obviously heard him. Thor gave a light-hearted smile, resisting the urge to rub his Brother's shoulder, already knowing how he would react. "You have my word."

...

**_A/N: I'll continue this if people like it and want more, but honestly, I've never written for Marvel at all, and I don't know if I'll be able to continue..._ **

_**If you noticed in the tags, I plan for this to be a gen fic and likely won't delve into any pairings. I will build on the bonds of the Avengers with Loki, but my main focus will be with Thor and Loki, cuz Dark World, Ragnarok and Infinity War just hurt me too bad. So yeah, this will mainly be a Brotherly Fic between Loki and Thor and Loki coming to terms with himself, but will include other characters too. Less plot and more focus on comfort cuz I have been an emotional reck and wanted to vent through Loki. This is my first Marvel Fic and probably sucks, but I hope you'll be able to find some enjoyment in it. If not, then please be nice by not saying anything.** _

_**Also, in case you're wondering, the Harry Styles thing was a reference to the Agent of Asgard comics.** _


	2. Chapter 2

**_Story: Control, Chapter 2._ **

**_A/N: I didn't expect this to get much attention at all, but I'm glad that some people have showed an interest in my story. Thank you for the encouraging comments! They mean a lot._ **

**_I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter, since, again, this is my first time writing for any of the Avengers or Marvel in general, and to top it off, I've always found it kinda difficult to focus on numerous characters at a time in a story, but I hope this turned out decent…? I really did try my best._ **

**_I hope I pulled off Steve's character well enough in this. I feel like considering the kind of person Loki was at times, he would definitely be suspicious at first, kind of like Tony was in this, but then I think about how adamant he was to defend and not fight Bucky in The Winter Soldier and Civil War, and it made me think he would somewhat respect Thor's desire to defend his Brother, because that just seems to be the kind of person he is, or at least that's the feeling I got from him. And while he definitely is not sure what to think at first in this, I also didn't want it to seem like I'm doing him a disservice, which is why I wrote this chapter the way I did._ **

…

"What's he doing here?"

Of course, it was no surprise that Steve hadn't exactly been all that thrilled to see Loki when he first walked in. And from an outsider's perspective, nobody couldn't blame him.

"Okay, first off, glad to have you back, Cap. Second, anybody else want a drink?" Tony asked, in an attempt to lighten the mood as he poured a glass of Alcohol.

"Answer the question, Tony." Steve wasn't in the mood to play around. He approached him, getting a little too close for comfort. 

Tony's eyes practically warned him to step back.

Loki watched them from the couch, deciding it was far better that he didn't interfere or say anything.

"Steve-" Natasha started to speak up, but Thor, who had momentarily stepped out of the room, reappeared and interjected.

"Ah, Captain, 'tis good to see you back. Loki is going to be staying here for a while. Stark has already agreed to it." Thor explained. 

"And you're all okay with this?" Steve was baffled. He turned around, looking between them. "Will somebody _please_ explain to me what's going on?"

"Well, you see, earlier, he came to us with a request." Tony explained, deciding to hold nothing back. "He said there's some intergalactic titan named Thanos who wants to gather the stones and wipe out the universe-"

"Half the universe." Loki spoke up for the first time in forever, correcting him.

"You're not helping." Tony pointed at him accusingly.

"How are you even still alive? Thor told us you were dead." Steve gave him an incredulous look. 

"Well, he wasn't wrong. I _was_ dead for a while." Loki affirmed with a soft smirk. "But then I was revived."

Steve gave him a strange look, but decided to not even ask, instead turning back to face Tony again.

"Tony, you seriously expect us to believe him after everything he's done?"

"No, not really, but _he_ does." Tony said, turning Steve's attention to Thor, who had sat down on the couch.

"My Brother has assured us he means no harm. He merely wishes to make amends. And he requests our protection." Thor reasoned. The truth was they were hardly doing a good job at explaining why they chose to let him stay, but bit by bit Steve slowly seemed to be piecing things together. While that didn't exactly make it all the more comforting, something inside of him couldn't help but empathize with Thor's desire to trust his Brother, to believe in the better of him. 

That's when Steve noticed the bruising. "What happened to your face?"

He himself used to get into fights all the time when he was younger, more than often outmatched, and bruising was a common occurrence, so he couldn't help but wonder, especially when he also noticed the bandaging. Either Loki had really pissed somebody off, or this was something else entirely.

He wasn't exactly concerned, but the image also somehow didn't settle well with him. 

"He tortured me." Loki said, his voice once again weak. He was obviously trying his best to hide it, but, with how he kept darting his eyes around the room and knawing at his lip, Thor could tell just how uncomfortable the subject was for him.

Steve swallowed after hearing that. "Are you talking about Thanos…?"

"Well, obviously. Who else would I be talking about?" Loki said, looking away. The truth was he just wanted to drop this subject. All of their eyes were on him yet again, and he felt far too vulnerable for comfort. He felt small, and he hated it. He hated that he needed them.

"...Sorry for asking." Steve said, clearly awkward.

"Oh, by the way, this Thanos guy is also apparently the person who was controlling the Chitauri when they came into New York." Tony added.

"Wait, that wasn't Loki?" Steve rose an eyebrow.

"Well, to be fair, I _did_ lead them here, but it was him who was controlling the army. He is also the one who supplied me with the mind stone when he sent me here to obtain the Tesseract. As I am sure you can guess, he was rather angry that his plan backfired and neither stone was returned to him." Loki told them, with a small smirk. The Other had warned him that Thanos wouldn't let him off easy if something happened to the stones. it was really no surprise that he was punished for it.

"So where is he now…?" Steve asked.

"I cannot say for sure, but right now, he is probably either conquering another planet or sitting on his thrown in the Sanctuary." He said. In truth, Thanos had probably already been informed he'd escaped. Loki couldn't help but wonder how he would react to it? Did the person who'd helped him get in trouble for it? The endless questions nagged at him, but he had no desire to return and find out.

After receiving silence and a few risen eyebrows as to what he was talking about, Loki answered the unspoken question. "It's an asteroid field inhabited by the Chitauri."

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sigh. "...I need to rest. We'll talk about this later."

He started to leave the room, but momentarily turned back to glance at Loki and his bruise. "Also, you should get an icepack for that. It'll help with the swelling."

With that, he closed the door behind him.

"I'll go talk to him." Natasha, who'd watched the conversation unfold without saying much at all, followed after him.

"Well, that went better than expected…" Loki murmured. 

"You should not worry so much, Brother… I am sure that things will be alright." Thor offered his comfort.

"Will it, though?" Loki asked, a little lower than intended, with obvious uncertainty. "This is not something that just goes away over night, Thor..."

"I am aware of that, but we must try, even if it takes time… You must trust us." Thor said, trying his best to reassure him.

"...To be honest, I've been finding it hard to trust _anybody_ as of late, Brother..." He admitted, looking down at his hands.

"Yet that did not stop you from coming to us for help..." Thor pointed out.

"I suppose not." Loki acknowledged his point.

"Oh, hey, I forgot to mention. Your room is ready, if you, you know, wanna get some sleep or something." Tony suddenly said, about to leave the room, and deciding it was better if he left this conversation to the two brothers. Bruce should be returning later as well, but they'd just deal with that situation when it arrived. "If you need help finding it, ask Point Break over there. It's right next to his. Also, if you decide want that ice pack, feel free to let me know."

"Point Break?" Loki raised an eyebrow, looking at Thor.

"It is one of the names he calls me, it's uh…" Thor tried to explain, but trailed off into incoherencies. Clearly, he wasn't all that fond of it.

"You don't like it?" Tony asked sarcastically. "I could call you Goldilocks. You do have the hair for it and everything."

Loki stifled a laugh, but chose not to say anything.

"That will _not_ be necessary. _Thank you_ , _Stark._ " Thor growled, but it was not of ill-intention.

After a moment, Tony called back from the stairway. "Don't mention it."

Thor decided to not say anything further in response. "Now that _that_ is out of the way... Come with me, Brother. I will show you to your room."

"I'm right behind you." Loki gave a small smile, and followed him.

...

_**A/N: Wow, I, like, really hope this turned out okay...** _


	3. Chapter 3

**_Story: Control Chapter 3._ **

**_A/N: Once again, I would like to thank you all for the attention this has gotten and for all the lovely comments! They've been vastly encouraging!_ **

**_I hope you all like this chapter... ;w;_ **

**_..._ **

"Sorry, Brother, I forgot that your leg was injured. I can carry you if you wish for me to." Thor offered, as he noticed Loki limping, just then remembering his sprained ankle.

"No, that will not be necessary. I can walk by myself…" Loki said, quickly brushing off his concerns. These wounds were nothing. He was all too used to the pain, much _worse_ pain, in fact.

Thor decided not to push the subject any further, even though it still troubled him, seeing Loki pushing himself in such a manner.

"Well, if you do not need my help, I must insist you use the elevator. It will cause much less strain on your body than the stairs." Thor suggested.

"Elevator?" Loki rose an eyebrow. The term sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite place where he'd heard it. 

"...Do you not know what that is?" Thor seemed a bit surprised. "You do remember riding on one the last time you came here, do you not?"

"With all due respect, Thor, the last time I came here was nearly two years ago, and I came here to retrieve the Tesseract and cause chaos, not go _sightseeing_." Loki countered.

“You do make a fair point…” Thor thought about it for a second, before smiling at his Brother. “Worry not, then, I will show you. 'Tis right up ahead.”

Loki gave next to no response, but followed behind absentmindedly. A silence settled in the air, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He focused on the pain in his ribs and leg, biting at his lip to distract himself somewhat from the anxiety in his chest telling him that he wasn’t welcome here.

For pretty much three years straight he’d been in cells, so now that he was here, and had even a bit of freedom, it honestly didn’t even feel real. It felt like he was going to wake up any moment just to realize it was all a dream, to have rammed into his arm.

Before he realized it, he’d once again started gnawing at his lip. It distracted him and kept the anxiety in his chest to a down-low.

“Loki, are you alright…?” Loki looked up, snapped out of his thoughts by Thor, who had finally reached the elevator and was waiting for Loki to step in.

He just then realized what Thor had been referring to. “So this is what you meant by an elevator… Ah, yes, now I remember it.”

“Aye, it transports people from one floor to another. It is of quite the assistance when one wants to get from one floor to another without using the stairway.” Thor explained as he operated the buttons.

“That does seem rather convenient…” Loki commented plainly. It was no surprise to him though, really. Not only had he used one, like Thor said, the last time he had been there, but for Midguardians, they thrived off this kind of technology.

It didn’t take but about 30 seconds on the elevator before they reached the floor they needed to be on. Thor gestured Loki down the hall to the room that had been assigned to him.

“Brother, we are here. This will be your room during your stay. I hope it will suffice?” Thor inquired.

Loki’s first thought when they entered was that the room was very spacious, and best of all, there was an actual bed, which would be a vast improvement to the cold hard floor he’d been sleeping on in the last six months on the few occasions he did sleep.

“Oh, absolutely. I like it.” Loki said, smirking, as he sat down on the bed.

"Really? You seem rather excited." Thor commented.

“Well, if you _must_ know, I have not even _had_ a bed in the past six months since leaving my cell in Asgard, so this is far more preferable to what I have grown used to.” Loki explained with a side glance. 

A lump formed in Thor's throat at hearing that.

"...I still can't believe you are back, Brother..." He spoke hesitantly after a moment, his voice choking up a bit. "You have no idea how much I have missed you… "

"...I missed you too..." Loki murmured, looking away, surprised by his own honesty, before asking question that had been nagging at him for a while. "If you do not mind me asking… What made you trust me…? I _am_ the God of Mischief..."

Thor pondered it, before answering the question. "...The last time we were together, you saved the life of both Jane Foster and myself. I would not be able to find peace with myself if I did not hear you out."

"Well, I did not want you to _die_ …" Loki replied, finding it difficult to swallow. It was such a straightforward statement but nonetheless honest. "But… Thank you."

Thor gave a small smile. "Well, we _are_ brothers, are we not?"

"Are we…? Surely you know how I feel about that, Thor." Loki said in a low voice. _"We are brothers"_ was still a statement he wasn't overly fond of hearing. Most days, he felt like something else entirely, like the beasts of his lineage. Being a runt of the frost giants hadn't really been a pleasant discovery by any means, but even now it still bothered him.

However, he'd reflected on the matter long enough to realize that none of his anger was directed at Thor anymore. It was entirely Odin's fault for lying to them in the first place.

Even so… to know Thor was still willing to call him his brother after knowing such a thing… It made his chest ache for some reason.

Thor knew that look, he knew the implications of his undertones, what he was referring to.

"Loki, I know what you're thinking, but I assure you that our blood matters not to me." he said.

"...Then tell me… how can it _not_ ?" Loki gazed at him with glossy eyes. "After everything I've done, after finding out _what_ I am, how can you even stand to _call_ me that…?"

"... _Brother_ , there is _nothing in all nine realms_ that could take away our past from us." Thor said, determined to get through to him. "I do not know why father lied to you and I cannot speak for his feelings as mother would have, but _my_ stance will _not_ change, because we were raised together and that is all the reason I need to think of you as my family. Surely you have not forgotten all the time we spent together as children, have you?" 

_"We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?"_

"Well, of course I have not. I just..." Loki seemed uncertain of his own words for a second. He had been jealous of Thor, it was true, but at the same time, that wasn't all there was to their past, even he knew that. He would not admit it, but the truth was, with the rivalry aside, he'd always looked _up_ to him, wanted nothing more than to be _like_ him. 

He looked away. "...Do you remember...? You always used to speak of slaying the Frost Giants, Thor… We were taught as children to despise them. Everybody was."

_"When I'm king, I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all!"_

Thor felt a lump grow in his chest, as he recalled his words of the past. 

"Father taught us _wrong,_ Brother." Thor said without thinking as he met his eyes. He couldn't deny the love he felt for his father, but he could no longer pretend that every choice he had made was perfect. If Odin had just been honest with Loki from the beginning, none of this would have happened. "I realize that now."

Loki searched his eyes for any reason to doubt him, but in the end he had no choice except to admit that Thor was being completely honest with him.

And for once, he had no idea what to say. They had had this conversation before, but last time it hadn't turned out so well. He still felt the influence of Thanos even now, could still hear him in his head, but for some reason, he couldn't help but seriously consider his words.

And for just a moment, he wanted to believe that maybe Thor was right after all.

…

"Steve, I know you're upset, but I really think we should give him a chance." Natasha offered her advice as she stood in Steve's door way. He was sitting on his bed.

"…I'm not upset, I'm just trying to figure this whole thing out. He's killed people before, Nat…" Steve said.

"And so have I." Natasha pointed out, momentarily silencing him. She herself had done a lot of things she wasn't proud of in her life. Therefore, she refused to jump to conclusions and judge anybody too harshly without finding out all the answers for herself.

"...You really think we can trust him…?" Steve then asked the same question he'd asked Tony earlier, but this time it had a different emotion to it. He was actually asking for her honest opinion.

"I don't know…" Natasha admitted in a low voice. "But it's been almost two years since he was here last, and Thor said he saved life. Maybe he's changed."

"...Yeah, maybe you're right." Steve mused after a moment. This wasn't something he would be able to just get over immediately, but what was done was done, and he already knew that staying angry at Loki forever wouldn't change the past.

Besides, if what Loki said was true, then he had partially been under the influence of Thanos when he attacked New York, and going by that, it could be said that it wasn't even entirely his fault.

And they both knew it.

"I guess we'll just have to keep an eye on him for now... If Thor trusts him that much, it's all we _can_ do."

...

 ** _A/N: Once again, this was hard to write, but I hope this turned out well enough? It was about time Loki and Thor once again had_ that _discussion... ;w;_** ****


	4. Chapter 4

**_Story: Control, Chapter 4_ **

**_A/N: Sorry it's been so long, I've actually been moving, so I haven't had much opportunity to write much._ **

**_Warnings: Some very light self-harm in this chapter, nothing too bad yet. Also discussions of eating disorders? Loki hasn't eaten for nearly a month (which is not as bad for gods like Loki as it would be for humans, but still not good. Thor becomes incredibly concerned when he makes a comment about it to Bruce because for the sake of this story, Loki has supposedly had issues with skipping meals in the past, so it naturally doubles his concern. Although there is a warning for rape implications, triggers, discussions and sort of flashbacks? Just proceed with caution, and pay close attention to the tags, because from here on outward there will be some deep shit discussed._ **

_**And wow this chapter was super hard to write, because writing Loki and the Avengers bonding is super hard. I hope I pulled off Natasha and Tony fine because I don't like it at all personally like I legitimately hate it, but, hey, why not?** _

_**PS: I hope Loki doesn't seem too out of character in this chapter? I tried my best to keep him snarky, but I also want to show that what Thanos and his followers did to him had terrible effects on his mental state that would go along with any other victim. That shit can lead to a lot of self-hate and self-blame, and I'm saying that AS a victim.** _

_**PTSD triggers are weird but phobias often are irrational, so I'm sorry if this seems stupid.** _

.

Not wanting to bother Loki any longer, Thor decided to give him some space. The questions he still had would have to wait. They _needed_ to wait.

“...I shall take my leave now... 'Tis my sincerest of hopes that you will consider my words, Brother...” he said as he exited the room.

Afterwards, Loki was left alone to reflect on their conversation. His shoulders slumped, and he started rubbing his thumb into his palm, a nervous habit which he'd picked up some time over the past year.

He only wished he could say that he’d long since got over the matter of his true lineage but, even today, it still hurt; It _disgusted_ him, to know that, in truth, he was actually the monster that everybody of Asgard had been taught to hate, to heed caution of, even to kill if need be, including himself. 

It was true that he still felt spite and bitterness towards Odin for making him this way by lying to him for so long, but in the end, the person he hated the most was most assuredly himself, even more than Laufey and Fárbauti, his own parents, who had outright abandoned him and left him for dead as a baby.

After all, on top of his crimes in Midgard, if it wasn't for him and his suggestion to Kurse when he was standing in his prison cell in Asgard six or seven months ago, there was a chance that Frigga would still be alive. Surely, Thor wouldn't just sit quietly after finding out such a thing, right? He'd aided in the death of his _mother_ . _Unknowingly_ , of course, he reasoned, but the end was the same none-the-less.

Could he even consider himself Thor's brother or Frigga's son after he'd helped lead to her demise? Was he even deserving of such titles?

The answer was blaringly loud.

_No_ , he _wasn't_ . He should be _dead_ right now, not only for that but also his numerous other crimes, and he knew this.

And in the past, he would have taken his life without hesitation for such a thing. He had _wanted_ to die, not only when he was willing to risk taking himself out fighting Kurse and Malekith, but even all the way back when he fell from the bifrost. 

The more he thought of it, the more it burned him. His time he'd spent with Thanos had somehow made him forget that he let go. Due to the Titan's influence, he had convinced himself that _Thor_ threw him off the Bifrost, to rationalize it all, to forget the fact that he’d reached the end of his rope and tried to take his own life, but after returning to Asgard and being imprisoned for nearly a year, he finally realized it, the truth beyond what Thanos had made him believe.

Thanos had experimented on him with the stone and took other measures, toyed with his vulnerable heart, had manipulated him to feel what he wanted him to feel, to remember things how he needed him to and even to act how he wanted him to act.

_“I know what it feels like, to be judged because you are different... Do not worry anymore… I will give you all of that which you so desperately crave.”_

He barely managed to keep his breathing from becoming erratic as Thanos’s voice echoed in his head.

For so long, he'd tried to tell himself that he was in control of his own actions and feelings in New York, because to admit that _he_ , _Loki, the_ ** _God of Mischief_** had been nothing but a pawn for Thanos and The Other to use, to scare into submission… It would made him _mad_ with _disgust_ for being so _gullible_.

And yet, now he couldn't deny it. 

He couldn't deny the fear he'd felt when The Other brushed his face and threatened him to not let anything happen to the mind stone. How frozen he was, or the voice in his head telling him he knew _better_ than to defy him _or_ Thanos. The fact that he'd actually _wanted_ to stop when Thor asked him to. The guilt he felt when stabbing him him and running off to leave him there. Most of all, he couldn't deny the utter _helplessness_ he'd felt when he'd been in the Sanctuary II at Thanos's disposal, where even his magic provided him no beneficial assistance except to please Thanos and numerous others in more ways than one, and as it was, he wanted absolutely _nothing_ to do with his magic anymore, least of all for healing himself, because he didn't deserve such things. 

Besides, this magic... It had been given to him by _Frigga?_

What right did he have to use it?

Even so, he wasn't exactly fond of the idea of sitting by idly and letting Thanos destroy even _part_ of the universe without at least warning the Avengers and Thor; _somebody_ beforehand. Which was exactly why he _gladly_ took the up offer to leave his cell by a guard who was most assuredly acting against Thanos's command.

Loki smiled bitterly as he thought about the fact that Thanos was probably beside himself right now. Yet he also became even more anxious than before. 

_"There is absolutely no way he will just let this slide. 'Most likely he will send one of his followers to retrieve me, but what if he just so happens to come after me himself? What if-"_

Feeling his fingers becoming sticky, he looked down at his hand, suddenly realizing the damage he'd caused the skin of his hand from scratching himself; the blood he'd drawn. The urge had apparently gotten worse than it used to be for he hardly managed to refrain himself from continuing. Quickly, he wiped his hand off the best he could, ignoring the voice in the back of his head telling him that the pain was what he both wanted and needed, what he _deserved_ . Something in him even told him he desired _more blood_ , and he immediately scolded himself for thinking such thoughts.

_"No, I cannot think about this. Not now… "_

With that last thought, he decided headed back down stairs to where everybody else was debating about what food to make. Bruce was finally back.

A couple of them acknowledged his presence but didn't say anything to him. He was entirely fine with that. Just as long as he could get away from the thoughts in his head for even a little while, it was the only thing he really needed right now.

"Ah, Loki, we were just debating what to have for dinner. I am sure you will agree with me that Pizza would suffice best." Thor asked for Loki's approval.

"And I'm saying we should get burgers." Tony argued before Loki could respond.

"Can't we just get hot dogs?" Steve offered.

Natasha and Bruce didn't seem to want to get too wrapped up in the discussion, so they hadn't given any suggestions. Loki had no clue what any of the food items the others were discussing were, but what Steve said caught his ear.

"You eat _hound_...?" He rose an eyebrow, looking at Steve strangely.

"What? No, hot dogs are made of pork." the other man defended. It was easy to understand why it threw him off, but it was still somehow amusing for everybody in the room. 

"Hold on. Let me get this straight. You're saying you don't know what a _hot dog_ is?" Tony rose an eyebrow, a little surprised.

"In my defense, I am not from here. In case you forgot." Loki _almost_ sounded offended.

"Well, that settles it then, Brother. You must try one. I assure you that they are delicious." Thor said confidently.

"They are pretty good." Bruce offered. He hadn't said anything since Loki walked in the room. But he had heard about the situation from the others, and knew why Loki was here. He knew that he'd been tortured, and even about Thanos's plan. He was no doubt apprehensive at first after hearing of Tony's decision to let Loki stay at The Avengers Tower, but ultimately accepted it. For the time being, it was probably the best course of action.

"Tony?" Steve looked at him, waiting for a response.

Deciding he was out numbered, Tony shrugged simply. "Well, I had wanted to go to Burger King, but, hey, I guess that works too."

"While I appreciate the offer, _don't_. There's really no need to trouble yourselves for me." Loki said dismissively. "I am not hungry."

"You sure about that?" Bruce asked, not buying it. "You look like you haven't eaten anything in several weeks."

" _My_ , sharp _wit._ How could you tell?" Loki asked sardonically. He obviously wasn't all that concerned about his own wellbeing. 

Bruce was speechless at hearing that. It had been more or less a passing comment, but Loki's response actually unsettled him as he didn't expect his remark to be so spot on. 

Thor, of course, wasn't very pleased with hearing this.

"Those _wretches_ … Loki, were they not feeding you where you were...? If they did something-" He started to probe, all too concerned.

"...'Tis not that, Brother... I simply do not wish to eat, is all. Not everybody can consume as much as _you,_ you oaf." Loki cut him off, shrugging, but something told them all there was more to it than that. 

And there was, but Loki wasn't _about_ to speak about such things. He _couldn't_.

"Alright, I'm getting mixed messages here. Will somebody please tell me what exactly I'm supposed to _buy_?" Tony wanted to know.

"Well, you could just get some of everything." Bruce said dryly.

"Or _nothing_." Natasha deadpanned.

"Hey, for once, I'm actually being serious here, if you couldn't tell." Tony said.

"I would get him one, just in case he changes his mind." Steve suggested. While a part of him still wanted to distance himself from Loki, the idea of _anybody_ starving themselves didn't exactly sound very comforting. And who knows? Just _maybe_ Thor would be able to convince his brother to eat at least a little. If not, he knew this wasn't something that could be forced right away. Well, it _could_ , but that wouldn't exactly be ethical, considering Loki would obviously need some time to adapt and get back into the swing of things.

"Oh, I highly _doubt_ that I _will_." Loki scoffed. "Truly sorry to disappoint."

"Not at all." Steve gave a small smile, taking Loki aback. "It's totally fine if you don't want to eat right now, Loki, but at least we won't be held responsible if something happens to you."

" _My,_ how honorable of you. I am curious. Is this how _all_ Midgardians act? How do you even put up with them, Thor?" Loki said sarcastically.

Thor started to open his mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"You know. I'm kind of starting to wonder the same thing about _you, buddy_." Tony said. 

"I beg your pardon?" Loki rose an eyebrow. 

" _Don't do it, Tony._ " Steve warned him in a small voice, but Tony ignored him.

"Well, for starters, I don't _have_ to let you stay here. I could have just handed you over to S.H.I.E.L.D and let _them_ put up with you. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with you disrespecting my friends or risk the chance of you running off and killing a fuckton of citizens again. Is that really what you want? To be locked up in a cage and kept under a lock and key? Because I can certainly make it happen."

Tony wasn't even really thinking about the things he was saying until after it was already said. In all honesty, he still didn't trust Loki. Coulson was dead partially because of him, as well as numerous others. Ever since the incident in New York, he had been plagued with nonstop nightmares and it had screwed him up in more ways than one. All of that frustration he'd been holding in had just come to the surface before he knew what hit him, only afterwards noticing the look on Loki's face, and on Thor's as well.

Loki meanwhile had backed up when Tony got in his face, completely involuntarily and out fear. His breaths had become shaky, his body more tense than ever, and his lips were tight. In a single flash, it felt like he was at Thanos's will again, not able to bring himself mouth back. 

_"It pains me greatly to see you like this… Ever since I saved you-"_

_"Which I didn't_ ask _you to do."_

_"I have been nothing but generous to you. You are clever, I admit, more clever than most in fact, but yet you still choose to deny me... It hurts me, truly, but that will not stop me from getting what I need,_ Laufeyson _. You would be wise to just behave for once and tell me what I need to know. It would be easier for both of us, would it not? At least then I wouldn't have to hurt you like this. This is not a request, Loki. Either you give me answers, or I will have no choice but to break you."_

_"Then please, by all means,_ break me _, Mad Titan."_

"...Well." Loki choked, his voice sounding far too weak for anybody's comfort. He briefly looked away, trying his best to keep his composure in check, but miserably failing, his smile shaking. "It wouldn't be anything I'm not used to..."

Normally, Tony would have quipped some kind of remark like, _"Alright, don't say I didn't warn you." or "You asked for it."_ and done exactly that, but the words froze on the tip of his tongue when he saw the broken look on Loki's face. It was simply far too real to be an illusion. Nobody could fake something like that.

Before he could say anything, Thor had immediately interjected to stop it, unable to stomach the argument anymore.

"Alright, that is _enough._ There will be _no_ cages and you _will_ step away from my Brother." He warned, stepping between Tony and Loki to put distance between them, before turning to Loki. "Loki, I know this is hard, but you must try to be more cooperative… My friends do not mean you any harm. They are only-" 

"Trying to appease _you_? I already knew that." Loki huffed. "In case you forgot, they _are_ _your_ friends, not _mine_. I honestly couldn't care _less_."

"Loki-" Thor started to say, but Loki beat him to it.

"I came here to warn Midguard of the _Mad Titan_ , the destruction of this realm, _not_ dwell on the _trivialities_ of my _eating habits_." Loki hissed, starting to walk off.

It wasn't like Thor didn't know that. Of course they didn't entirely trust him after the things he had done. But Thor knew his brother well enough to know that Loki had primarily said that to derail the conversation away from him not eating. 

"Brother…! Please, you must-" Without thinking, he roughly grabbed Loki's wrist, immediately scolding himself when his brother abruptly pulled away.

" _How many times do I have to tell you to_ _keep your hands off of me…?!"_ Loki snapped, startling everybody in the room. In an instant, all of the walls he'd built up around himself had came crashing down, his heart beating much faster than he could tolerate. As he held his wrist where the dark bruises left by Thanos sat, he barely managed to ground himself in reality, barely managed to tell himself he wasn't there anymore. He tried to tell himself that it was only Thor, but that didn't make it any easier, and he could hardly breathe, knowing he was at his brother's mercy and nothing more in this state. "... _Please_ … Do not touch me again… I can't-"

"I _won't_ …" Thor said, his heart breaking out of guilt for scaring him, most likely making him relive painful memories. "I am truly sorry, Brother… I should not have done such a thing without asking you first." 

More than anything, he wanted to pull Loki into an embrace and tell him that everything would be okay, that they would fix this; that _he_ would fix it and make it right. Even _more_ than that, he wanted to _kill_ Thanos for whatever he had done to cause his baby brother to become this avoidant of being touched.

But he couldn't move, he already knew how Loki would react.

And having lived for over one thousand years and knowing Loki as long as he had, Thor was no fool. He could tell that this went far beyond torture. He didn't want to consider it, yet he had his suspicions of what Thanos had done to him. Even the bruises on his wrists and waist hadn't been enough to make him consider it until he started observing the way Loki had been acting, how he had been speaking… 

Suddenly, a horrifying question suddenly popped into his head:

Was Loki's sprained ankle the _only_ reason for his limp?

He knew questioning the matter right now around everybody else wouldn't do him any good, and nor was Loki in the state of mind to talk about such a thing so he didn't, instead going back to the original topic once he realized Loki wasn't going to respond.

"...Even so, the fact that you have not eaten anything in nearly a month worries me. It _scares_ me, Loki. Please, you must promise me that you will at least _try_ to stomach _something_ . I can't afford to lose you. Not again, not like _this_..." Thor was clearly pleading at this point. He couldn't force Loki to do anything, but he could only hope Loki would cooperate with him. And not to starve himself like he had in the past.

Loki knew all too well, Thor would not let it go unless he agreed to it. So in the end he reluctantly caved in, shrugging and speaking in a tired voice. "...Alright, _fine_ . But, really, Brother, you mustn't blame me when I _waste_ it..."

It was at that point that everybody was somehow reminded that Thor was the older brother, not the other way around.

Thor didn't know what to feel when Loki responded in such a way, but yet he felt like it was better than no agreement at all. It was at least _something_ and that was all Thor could hope to ask for right now.

…

Of course, that didn't make it any easier to deal with when Loki once again refused the food offered to him.

Loki couldn't even bring himself to touch it.

He'd never seen a hot dog before in his life, and he never wanted to see another. It was nothing but a harmless food item which everybody else seemed to be consuming with no trouble and even enjoying, And yet, for Loki, he wanted nothing to do with it.

"Brother, what troubles you? Does it not look to your liking?" Thor asked, concerned. "I swear to you it tastes absolutely fine."

"I'm _not_ going to eat that. Keep it away from me." He said, plainly, but with an underlying warning in his tone, as Thor held it closer to him.

"You _promised_ me that you would _try_." The Thunderer said.

"Aye, and I believe I also said to not blame me when I _wasted_ it. I never _was_ one to keep my promises, Thor. I'm sure you know that by now."

"Loki, you are _malnourished._ You need _sustenance or you will surely perish_." Thor argued, a bit worried as he noticed the look on Loki's face.

"Hmm, a rather small price to pay if it saves me from having to consume _such a thing_ , _whatever it is_." Loki said smoothly.

"You don't mean that." Thor reasoned.

"Oh, but I do." Loki smiled, making his stance on the matter clear and final.

"Loki…" Thor sighed. More than anything, he wished to understand what was going through Loki's head. Loki never let him in on anything. "...Can you at least tell me _why_?" 

"...The shape... It is the _shape_ , Thor… I cannot stand the sight of it… I am not about to explain myself further." Loki muttered, surprising even himself for being so honest.

"Fine, I understand… If that is what you wish, Then I will not force you to eat it, Loki… I _cannot_." Thor said in a low voice, looking downcast.

"Thank you for understanding, truly. And please, feel free to eat it yourself. I have no interest in such things." Loki smiled smoothly. 

Thor was about to give up on the matter and leave Loki to himself, but Bruce spoke up offering a suggestion.

"If it's just the shape, you could cut it up instead. It might make it easier to eat that way… That's what I always do when I can't..." He started to say, but grew uncomfortable when nobody responded. "Sorry, It's… just a suggestion."

" _And_ a rather _unnecessary_ one." Loki scoffed, causing him to grow silent. 

After a while, nearly everybody decided there was no point in trying to get him to eat anymore, so instead gave him space and left him be.

All except for Tony, who didn't hesitate to approach him where he'd sat down on the couch. "Hey, um, I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. It was kind of uncalled for."

"To be fair, you were not wrong about me. Locking me up _would_ most likely ensure peace of mind to you and your people, as I am _not exactly_ the most favored person here on Midgard." Loki smirked. 

"Look, Shakespear. You done a lot of bad shit on Earth in the past. But guess what? We _all_ have and that's just something we're all gonna have to live with for the rest of our lives whether we're proud of it or not. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I shouldn't have been so quick to judge you based off something you did nearly two years ago, especially not after everything you've been through. Also, instead of starving yourself, I got a better idea. How about I offer you some soup? How does that sound?"

Loki seemed a bit taken aback, but momentarily responded.

"Well, it would be more preferable to that thing you midgardians call a _'hot dog'_ , I suppose." He joked dryly. While Tony's attempt to be nice was a bit surprising and offered a little bit of comfort, it honestly did still kind of annoy him that they wouldn't just drop it already.

Choosing not to eat had been giving him a sense of control over his situation. He needed it right now, yet they were here trying to convince him to throw that away? Who gave them the right to-

  
"Anything else I can get you? Water? Coffee?" Tony asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Alcohol." Loki said immediately. "Preferably the strongest you have, if you will."

"Well, I _did_ owe you a drink." Tony smirked a bit at hearing that. "Alright. Great. I'll be right back. And about the alcohol, don't say I didn't warn you."

After that, he walked off and Natasha then took the opportunity to sit down next to him. "Hey. Mind if we talk for a moment? There's something I want to ask you."

"Well, I don't see why _not_. So what is your question, might I ask? Is it about the stones? Or the Sanctuary? Or something else?"

"It's about Thanos." She said simply. She'd seen the signs, the bruises, and the short amount of time Loki had been here was _more_ than enough for her to draw her conclusions about him. All she needed was a confirmation.

At the mention of the Titan's name, Loki's smile faltered ever so briefly, but he quickly regained his composure. "Of course. What about?"

"You know how the last time we met, I mentioned my past as a Russian spy? Well, there's a lot more to it than that… Due to my training and even some of my own experiences, I'm actually pretty good at picking up on body language. The way a person walks and talks, and even some things most people would see as irrelevant can indicate trauma, regardless of how long ago it occurred. I could read your entire life story without you even saying a word, Loki, things you probably don't even want to admit to _yourself_." 

Loki rose an eyebrow, not particularly liking where this conversation was going, but he refused to cave in. "Oh, fascinating. Please enlighten me on what it is you see in me, then, Lady Romanoff."

"Alright. For starters, I think you want to be free of Thanos, but you feel trapped, like his words are still in your head… It's as if... your feelings and choices aren't even your own…" Natasha murmured.

"Aren't you perceptive… But I _was_ tortured. I think that should be fairly obvious." Loki shrugged. In all honesty, he didn't want to admit that much, but it was better than admitting to the things he hadn't mentioned. 

"It's not _that_ …" Natasha said in a low voice, meeting his eyes. "You're ashamed, of something he _did_ to you; something he _took_ from you… I saw the bruises… Where they were..." 

At hearing that, Loki grew stiff, not all all liking where this was headed. Yet he felt helpless, knowing everything she was saying was right. 

Natasha murmured, causing Loki to grow notably stiff. She wasn't joking about being perceptive. She saw in him things he didn't even want to _think_ about. He felt helpless.

_“Loki… I saved you when you were cast out of your home. I welcomed you with open arms when no others would acknowledge or accept you. In return, everything but your life, all of it belongs to me now… I'm sure you realize that by now, so would it not just be so much easier to simply kneel on your own rather than by force?”_

Loki swallowed, feeling his throat swell, as he tried(to no avail) to tune out the flashbacks of his body being pinned down, defenseless. Immediately, he lost any potential appetite he had had. He felt nauseated. 

"This may seem a little odd, but I wanted to say I understand… I've went through the same thing in the past, several times… What happened to you… It wasn't your fault..." She trailed off into silence and for a long while Loki was uncertain what to say. Something in him suddenly felt _bad_ for her, not that he would say it.

"The burning self-hatred… For what happened..." He finally muttered, before looking up at her with an uncharacteristically troubled expression, as he tried to wrap his head around all of his conflicted feelings. "It really drives me mad..."

For once, he didn't know if he was asking for himself or for her.

"It should ease over time, to some extent…" Natasha said softly. "But this kind of thing can take years to move on from, sometimes you never do, so don't rush things."

"Well, I _am_ over one thousand years old… To me, it's just like any other unfavorable memory I have had the misfortune of living with…"

That was obviously a half lie, but Natasha chose not to call him out on it.

"Are you going to tell Thor...?" Natasha asked in a low voice as she looked over at Thor and the others who were debating over some topic she didn't care to tune into.

" _No_ , I have no desire for anyone else to know or speak of this, least of all my brother… If Thor heard of my weakness, I… I fear him unpredictable. He would most assuredly blame me, and that is the _last_ thing I need." Loki looked away. It was ironic, really, how the mind worked. He blamed himself wholeheartedly for what happened, for his weakness, but was far too afraid for comfort of others doing the same. 

Natasha couldn't deny that she understood the feelings he had described but she needed him to know that such a thing wasn't his fault or his _choice_ . Nobody ever _chooses_ to be _raped_.

The fact that she'd been in that same position before, of blaming herself, made it particularly hard for her to hear him say such things.

"Loki, Thor isn't the type that would blame you for what that monster did to you…" She tried, doubting it would do much good, but feeling the need to say it not the less.

"Mayhaps, but I still cannot risk it. Even so..." Loki thought for a second. "I am truly grateful for your encouragement, Lady Romanoff… I assure you I will not forget this."

"Don't mention it." She said softly.

"On that notion, however I am rather curious... The last time we met, you called _me_ the monster, so of all the people in this room you could be talking to right now, what in _Norns_ possessed you to trust me, after all the things I've done?"

"I don't." Natasha said simply, before looking back it over at him. "But I'm not really the type of person who judges somebody for their past. I probably don't even have the _right_ to, not after all the things I've done _myself_ … And trust me, Loki, I can tell when somebody is faking something like this. You're _not_." she said. 

Loki mused her statement, before giving a small smile. He didn't by any means feel any better, in fact he felt worse, having been reminded of things he didn't wish to think of, but something in him was grateful to her none the less. "I see… Thank you again, for telling me… Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to return to my room. I have grown tired."

As soon as he got up to leave the room, however, it was then that Tony returned with a bowl of soup and a large glass with a concoction in it.

"I got you the soup and drink as promised. Here." Tony said, holding it out for him.

"Unfortunately, I seem to have completely lost my appetite just now... You should give it to Thor." Loki said. "Although I will take the drink if you do not mind."

Was Thor _always_ his scapegoat to get out of eating?

"You know, you could at least _pretend_ to be grateful." Tony pointed out, but didn't stop him.

"I offer my sincerest of apologies. Truly. Then again I _did_ warn you all from the beginning to not put yourselves through the trouble for me, did I not? You musn't blame me for not listening." With a bitter smile and a shrug Loki left and returned to his room with the glass.

"Great. Just great." Tony grunted, before looking to Thor, who'd overheard their conversation. "Hey, Thor, you want this? Your brother is a headache."

Thor graciously took the bowl from him. "I must apologize for Loki's behavior. I do not think he means any harm. 'Tis just..." 

"Trauma. I know." Tony finished up the sentence, before patting him on the shoulder to let him know he wasn't mad.

Thor heaved a sigh. "It troubles me, Stark… I wish to help him, but I keep fearing I will only make everything worse."

"Hey, these kinds of things take time, Thor..." Steve suddenly offered his own awkward advice, looking to Thor. "He's not even been here for a day, so I think you should try to be patient with him. It could take up to several months or even years before he's willing to talk about this kind of stuff."

"Aye. I am all too aware that rushing things will not accomplish anything, but I know Loki well, and what he is capable of. As it stands, I am most uncertain of what he might do." Thor murmured. 

"Well, he _was_ tortured." Steve reasoned. "He may be a little emotional right now, but, for some reason, I can't really see him trying to start a war with us again. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't even think he has the _power_ to in his state."

"Nay, you misunderstand. The starting of a war is the last thing I am concerned about right now." Thor said. 

"Hold on, what exactly do you mean? Is there something you haven't told us? If so, I think you better start talking." Tony said.

Thor was silent for a moment before speaking up again. "...A year before he attacked New York, Loki had learned that our father and mother were lying to us about his past. As I mentioned before, my brother was adopted. It turns out that Loki is actually a Frost Giant, child of Laufey and Farbauti, which my father took in and raised as a baby. When he found out, Loki not only used the destroyer to attack New Mexico and myself, but later threw himself off the bifrost... _He tried to kill himself_." 

That last line left an uncomfortable feeling for all parties involved.

"Holy shit." Tony remarked, clearly trying to take it in. Somehow the image of suicide and Loki didn't mesh, nor did it settle well with anybody in the room. "Okay. Wow. I didn't expect that. Do I need to increase security in here or something? JARVAS, make sure you inform me if Loki does anything suspicious or self-endangering." Tony called out. The last thing he wanted was for _anybody_ to commit suicide in this tower. The very thought alone left an incredibly uncomfortable feeling in his gut. 

He originally thought Loki was just your typical maniac who had got tangled up with a much worse guy and realized he was in over his head. But come to think of it, it would make more sense, considering how much Thor wanted to defend him. If Loki had those kinds of issues going on, it would make him vulnerable right after the suicide attempt, and coincidentally the perfect target for somebody to want to manipulate, which was actually really screwed up in itself.

**_"I'll be sure to keep you updated, Sir."_ **

"Great, thanks. Love ya. Mean it." Tony said. 

Thor didn't know if it was necessary or not, but figured it couldn't hurt, considering Loki's behavior earlier. He doubted that Loki would try to kill himself again, but he was worried about his brother's current mental state none-the-less and the other things he might do.

Although, he _was_ fairly aware that Loki wouldn't like it.

"When you say Frost Giant, are you talking about the Jotnar or the monsters in Norse Mythology that were always trying to attack Asgard?" Bruce suddenly asked. He hadn't read up much on Norse Mythology but he did remember bits and pieces.

"Aye..." Thor murmured. "I can only imagine what Loki must have been going through when he found out that he was his own enemy."

"I think I can kind of understand a little bit of what he must have felt…" Without immediately realizing it, Bruce felt surprising empathy for Loki, thinking of the Hulk… He too had a moment where he didn't see an end and tried to take his own life. 

"I know it is wrong to question the All Father's decisions, but it angers me to know that he insisted on hiding such a thing from my brother for that long. From me. When I first came to Midgard, I was actually banished for inciting war upon Jotunheim. I was a _fool._ I charged in recklessly and we killed so many of _his_ people. Even as a child, I always proclaimed that I would slay alll the giants. He mentioned it to me earlier and it scared me how right he was. I brought death upon my own brother's people, coincidentally wished it upon Loki _as well_. I cannot forgive myself for doing such a thing."

Everybody in the room wanted to console Thor, but given their conflicted feelings on Loki, it was hard to know what to say. Despite that, Natasha spoke up.

"Thor, it's not like you could have known…" she murmured.

"Mayhaps…" Thor regarded her with a solemn look. "Even so… What I did was wrong…" 

Another long silence settled again.

"I know this is gonna seem kind of odd, but if you don't mind me asking… Have you ever... questioned your own parentage...?" Bruce suddenly asked.

"Me? Nay, why do you ask?" Thor looked up at him confused. 

"Well, I'm just saying that if your parents lied to Loki… They may have lied to you too." Bruce pointed out, not exactly feeling comfortable with having to make such a suggestion.

Thor was silent after that, as he mulled it over.

"I know the text books aren't always accurate when it comes to this kind of stuff, but according to Norse Mythology you're supposed to be part Jotunn like Loki… Your mother… She was listed as Jord."

The statement seemed crazy to Thor, absolutely impossible. And yet, remembering how many secrets they'd kept from Loki and coincidentally him as well, he had no idea _what_ to believe anymore.

"...Could such a thing be possible? Would Mother lie to me...?" He felt conflicted on the notion. And yet, something stopped him. Even if Frigga was not his biological mother, just like Loki was not his blood brother, he still loved them both dearly. Nothing would change the fact that Frigga had _raised_ him, and taught him some of the most valuable lessons he had learned. 

And yet it bothered him, the idea that it might also be his people whom he killed.

It terrified him.

Was it possible that he'd actually slain his own blood? His own kin? His _family_?

He shook his head, answering his own question before anybody could speak up. "No, such things matters not. I must sleep on this and then I am going to speak with my Brother... Thank you, my friends. And I appreciate the soup bowl, Stark. It was delicious."

"Don't mention it…" Tony said casually.

"Yeah, we're glad to be of support." Steve offered a small smile. Although he still didn't know what to feel about the situation with Loki, he still somehow he found himself rooting for Loki's recovery, and hoping Thor could straighten things out with his Brother. 

"Thor, I don't really know Loki all that well, and this goes beyond my area of expertise, but I really hope you're able to help him. He obviously needs you." Bruce said, feeling it was the only appropriate thing he could say.

"I appreciate this greatly. I will see you on the morrow.." Thor said before heading to his room. He wanted to talk to Loki immediately, but knew that such things would not go well, if he approached him right now. 

Thor would probably have to go and speak with Odin about Loki and Thanos as well, but that too would have to wait. And Heimdall had probably already relayed some information to him which made things easier.

As it was, he needed to at least spend some time helping Loki adjust.

Unlike Thor, who _loved_ eating, Loki had often had issues with skipping numerous consecutive meals in the past and to hear how long he'd been without food, especially on top of having been tortured and most plausibly raped, terrified Thor, but he knew that this was ultimately something only Loki could decide on, to meet Thor half way, to open up and let him in for once. These were things that Loki probably wouldn't be able to talk about right away, despite how obvious they were to people who either knew Loki or had been through the same thing.

Suddenly, he felt guilty for putting so much pressure on Loki… He saw how uncomfortable it had been making him, and couldn't stop until Loki finally snapped at him and later even persisted again. At this rate, he would only end up scare Loki away from any possible _chance_ of trusting him again.

_"Rodgers is right. I must be patient. I am just so afraid..."_

As he fell into a deep slumber, Thor also tried his best to forget Bruce's suggestion about him being part Frost Giant. There could be no possible way he could be one, that Frigga and Odin had lied to _him_ as well, he tried to tell himself. 

Yet only part of him believed it.

...

**_A/N: I don't like how this turned out, but seriously, in the comics, Thor's mother is Gaea and in Norse Mythology it's a Jotunn called Jord, so the Thor of legends is to be like two thirds frost giant and is much like Loki as a result. As much as I love it like it is, I'm a tad sad that the movies never had Thor question it at all or even pose the idea of Frigga not being his mother. I suppose it would have been a rehashing of Loki's situation, but still. It'd have been cool to explore. I don't know if I'm actually gonna use the Thor-is-three-quarters-jotunn concept from Norse Mythology or go by the comics or just keep to the MCU in the end or not, but I wanted to bring it up. Thor and Loki wouldn't be direct blood brothers either way, but in norse concept they would have jotunn blood in them, but if I went with comics it would be Gaea, either one would lead to Frigga not being Thor's biological mother, but him still loving her dearly. And yet, I really still love the concept of MCU, that with or without Loki and Thor being related any way, Thor still loves Loki as a brother regardless. Anyway, I hope y'all are enjoying this._ **


End file.
